Remember when Mama said, “if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.”
You listened and you’ve done Mama proud.
You’ve minded your p’s and q’s. Dotted your i’s and crossed your t’s. You’ve chosen words that have killed with kindness. You’ve been polite to a fault. And when you’ve struggled with something nice to say, you’ve said nothing.
There is however, one important point that I must draw your attention to. You forgot that mama’s sage advice also applies to the things you tell yourself. To the inner chatter. The ever present self-talk. Which if we are being totally honest, could do with an overhaul.
Communication in a relationship is extremely important because it dictates whether a relationship flourishes or flounders. No relationship in the world is more important than the one you have with yourself.
You are always talking to yourself. Sending yourself little messages throughout your day. If you could replace yourself with your best friend or a cherished loved one, would the words that comprise the body of your message build or break that relationship?
How you talk to yourself affects how you feel and act and this invariably affects the quality of your life.
“You become the architect and creator of the emotions you later experience through self-talk. Emotions do not come as the result of an observation or an experience but rather as the result of the things we say to ourselves about those situations. Thus, two people can have the same experience or observe the same event and come away with very different emotions.” ~ Marilyn Sorensen, Ph.D
Not only do you have to watch the words you use in conversation with yourself, but also the words you attach to your experiences because as Tony Robbins said, “the words that we attach to our experience become our experience.”
You are a creature of habit. Your habits help you get through your day. If every activity you encountered had to be faced anew, nothing would get done. It is for this reason that even though the English language contains some 500,000 words, the average person’s working vocabulary consists of only about 2,000 words.
Those 2,000 words form your habitual vocabulary. And out of your habitual vocabulary, you describe the various experiences you encounter using the same words. Over and over again. Unconsciously. Disregarding the experience’s intensity or lack thereof.
If the words you have attached to an encountered problem are daunting in nature like devastating or impossible then the solutions you are looking for must be equally so. Nobody is equipped to come up with those kinds of the solutions on a regular basis.
On the other hand, if the words you have attached to the problem convey hope and possibility like temporary inconvenience or minor hiccup, then mentally, a solution will always be within arms reach
Mastering your words and becoming cognizant of whether they are ‘useful’ or ‘not useful,’ ‘habitual’ or ‘transformational’ is crucial for your success.
“You is kind. You is smart. You is important.” Kathryn Stockett and your Mama said so. You are not a punching bag. For others or yourself. You deserve to hear words steeped in kindness from the outside and from the inside. And since you have no control over the external, you must take charge of the internal.
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